Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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