Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
