you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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