When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
