Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
