sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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