I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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