Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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