Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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