he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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