Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
