Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
