it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How's work?
Spinning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
