come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
