Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
