Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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