I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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