he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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