When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
