PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
