you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
