He had one of those small greek statue penises
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
