i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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