dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
