yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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