The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
