I miss vodka workout Fridays
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
