No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
