if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
