no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
