can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
