omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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