i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
