Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
