I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
