I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
