I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
