One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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