I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
