doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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