i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
