Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
