dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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