you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you didnt know i had herpes?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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