thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
