How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
