ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
