I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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