Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
