I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
