Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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