im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
