I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Welp...herpes.
operation harelip BJ is a go
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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