Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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